Safe Bet
by cassierigum
Summary: A songfic about Zero and Yuki. My first Vampire Knight fanfic! Read and review!


**AN: This is a songfic, I'll admit it. I've never managed to write a worthwhile songfic before... in all fairness the whole genre confuses me... how much of the song should I add? should I quote it? should characters say the words? I never know, really - but here we go. The song is "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" - Brand New. They're excellent and this song just completely captures Zero, in my mind. So basically this is a collection of ficlets from Zero's point of view. Again, the excellent characters I am using are not mine, but the work of Matsuri Hino. Again, excellent. I bow before all these people's greatness!**

_i. If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand._

When she found me, gun to my temple, her eyes filled with such emotion, the corners of her mouth ever so slightly down turned in unhappiness, I vowed to myself that I would do anything to make her less sad.

The arrangement suits us well. When I become a monster, she can kill me as I ought to be killed, and feel no pity (for what other emotion could make her so attached to me?) and as for me, I can continue in the knowledge that when I die, her face will be the last thing I see. And then I can drown one last time in her chocolate brown eyes, as I hear the final click of the Bloody Rose as she pulls the trigger.

_ii. Hope you find out what you want, I already know what I am._

As I watch her, pouring over history books in an effort to find out about her past, my eyes study her silently, following her hand as it skims down the page, then rising to brush her hair back from her face, exposing the porcelain skin at her neck and the two small holes which I created. They peek up from behind her white collar, red on white, pin prick wounds marring that perfect expanse of clear skin. Her hand covers them and her cheeks glow; no doubt she feels embarrassed at committing such a sin with an animal like me. She fixes her collar to hide the marks and I look away.

Who am I to look at her?

Who am I to desire her - her blood, her body, her love?

A mirthless smile plays about my lips. A monster. A foul creature. A parasite. A vampire.

_iii. And if it makes you less sad, I'll start talking again.  
You can tell me how vile, I already know that I am._

"Zero?"

Her face is pale in the moonlight, as we make our way to the Chairman's office, our duty done for the night.

I nod a reply.

"Why don't you talk, Zero?" she asks, pulling on my arm to make me look at her. My eyes glance toward her face. I shrug.

A small hand reaches up to my face, warm on my cheek as it pushes my face closer to hers. Her eyes are wide with worry, and unhappiness is clear on her lips. Self-loathing hits me hard. I am the cause. I have caused her to feel like this.

"Zero," she repeats, eyes staring into mine, unblinkingly. "Please, Zero. Please talk. Are... are you hungry?"

My stomach twists as she says these words. Why does she care about me? An animal like me deserves no pity, no worry...

I shake my head. Her eyes burn into mine.

"No... no... I'm fine," I say, and try to move past her, but her small, warm, insistent hands pull me back.

"Zero," she says again, softly, and for a moment I wish she would scream at me, tell me that she loathes me, push me away, run. Something other than this... care she shows me. I don't deserve it. Or her. Doesn't she realise that?

"Yuki..." I say, the world slipping from my mouth like a sigh. "Why do you care?"

I murmur the question so low I can barely hear the words myself. But she looks at me and says clearly.

"Because you are Zero and I am Yuki. Because we're friends. Because we're like family."

_iv. I'll grow old, and start acting my age,  
In a brand new day, and a life that you hate._

I feel her eyes on me as I try to help her with maths. She hates maths. Hates the little rows of numbers that slip her grasp every time. I look up at her; she blushes.

"Shouldn't you be concentrating on studying?" I say sternly. In truth I'm panicking. Our heads are so close; her lips enticing. I need only tilt my head slightly...

I sigh, looking adamantly away.

"You're so serious, Zero," she says with a bright laugh. The sound of it makes me want to look at her, to watch her eyes glimmering with mirth. "Loosen up, act your age!"

I give her a withering gaze. How should I act my age? What does that mean? How is it done?

And if I were to change tomorrow, and be the same as all the other boys in the day class - carefree - what difference would it make? I would still be the vampire I am. I would still crave Yuki's blood. This... evil would still be a part of me.

It would be no use to change. I am who I am.

She laughs again, and I am so surprised at the sound I look up to see her smiling at me.

"You're right. I can't imagine you acting any differently from the way you do Zero. It would be just too strange!"

_v. Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not.  
I'm glad that you can forgive,  
I'm only hoping that as time goes, you can forget._

She smiles as though nothing is wrong. She pulls her hair away, exposing her neck. Inviting me to bite. The urge to bite her is overwhelming. I can smell her blood, remember its taste and texture perfectly.

It's calling to me.

I step backwards in an attempt to control myself.

"Zero," she says, chiding me, ever so slightly. "I know you're hungry. And you know you are. Stop resisting. Just bite!"

"But what if..." I trail off. Forming words around the horrific thoughts in my mind is impossible. The image of her limp body the first time I drank from her never ceases to haunt me. The thought of hurting her in anyway is painful, heart-wrenching.

"You won't," she assures me. "I trust you."

Those fatal words. Why does she trust me? How can she trust something like me? I am an animal, not to be trusted. Vampires take and take, a half-life built on the sacrifice of others. I don't want Yuki to sacrifice anything for me. I am not as trustworthy as she thinks.

But, in the end, as she knows I will, I succumb to her wishes. I succumb because I desire her too much. I cannot control it.

I breathe in the scent of her neck before piercing that innocent skin. Her blood is a drug. Intoxicating. Sweeter than any wine. Her body feels so... small, fragile as I support her weight. Much as I don't want to, I stop, knowing that I must control my urges. I lap up the remains of her blood from her skin, and before I even know what I'm doing, I press my lips against her neck, a solitary kiss.

The effect is instantaneous. She starts, clasping her hand over her neck, a blush creeping up onto her cheeks. I gasp, stepping away, shocked at my own actions. How could I have done that? Of course such an action would be disgusting to her. She helps me out of pity, compassion. My one-sided feelings are nothing but a burden to her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I say, over and over again.

"Don't be," she replies, calmer now, but with her fingers still on the spot where my lips touched her.

"Please, forgive me," I murmur, retreating further away from her, arms by my side, head down but eyes fixed on hers.

"There's nothing to forgive," she says, her eyes warm now, burning, staring at me with an unknown expression.

She walks towards me, hand outstretched, but I shrink from her touch. Surely I disgust her. But she continues, brushing my mouth with the back of her hand, wiping away the stain of her blood. She's so close and I can barely manage a breath.

"Please..." I whisper, begging for something unknown to me.

"What?" she murmurs.

I struggle for words. Please love me. Please stay. Please, never leave me. All these phrases come into my head, but I understand that I cannot say them. Not now. To do so would be to put Yuki in a position she would never want. She deserves more. Better. She deserves to not have me in her life. She deserves to forget me.

"Please... forget me."

She steps away, a look of surprise on her face.

"You promised... the Bloody Rose..." she manages.

"After," I say, each word slipping from my mouth unbidden. "After. Forget me."

Her face is confused. Hurt. I turn and leave, unable to watch it.

_vi. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state _

_You can keep to yourself; I'll keep out of your way_

I cannot talk to her, but my eyes follow her movements of their own accord.

I haven't spoken to her for three weeks and each time she walks past, talking animatedly - too animatedly, I always think - to her friend, I feel the words come bubbling to the tip of my tongue.

_I'm sorry I'm sorry forgive me never leave me end this self-imposed purgatory speak to me smile at me let me love you I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry..._

But this is better, I know, and my lips remain unmoving, welded shut. She should never have to deal with me, with a monster such as me. She will be happier without the burden of my existence.

I should leave altogether; flee from her presence. Hide. Die. But I promised her. That promise is the only thing that binds me to this place. I will not hurt her with a broken promise. I have already done too much against her.

But she comes to me, as I should have known she would. Chin stuck out obstinately, she sits down beside me, abandoning her regular seat.

"Zero." My heart nearly breaks to hear her speak my name, though her voice is clipped with anger. She folds her arms, eyes boring into the side of my head. Her fury lasts a minute, maybe less. I cannot look at her - my eyes trained on the table in front of me - but every other sense is centred on her.

I feel a hand, warm on my elbow.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm sorry for... for whatever I did. But I refuse to forget."

My head turns, acting on impulse; my eyes search out hers, looking for some hidden meaning. Clearly I have hurt her too deeply; left indelible scars. No wonder she cannot forget me.

"Try," I plead. If she forgets me, she can be happy.

"No," she answers, eyes boring into my own. "I don't want to."

_vii. It's as cold as a tomb and it's dark in your room _

_When I sneak to your bed and pour salt in your wounds_

I can hear her soft coughs from down the corridor, and as I approach her room I hear the rustling of sheets as she turns over. I open the door quietly, not wanting to disturb her. I move softly to her bedside, draping the blanket I brought over the bed, to protect against the cold of winter, to help her recover from her slight cold.

My eyes are drawn to her face, illuminated softly by the dim moonlight that slips through the space between the curtains. It is so beautiful, so pure and innocent and calm that I feel a strange desire to hold her tight and protect her from the world.

I sink to my knees beside her as she turns again, onto her side, face toward me. She sighs gently, a small smile playing around her lips. She must be dreaming a good dream, away from monsters like me.

I am transfixed by her features; the dark lashes resting gently on her cheeks, brown hair spread out on her pillow, lips slightly parted as she breathes deeply. My body yearns to hold her, take her in my arms, touch her, and unconsciously I begin to move towards her leaning above her.

Internally I am raging, my head telling me to stand up and leave the room, to stay away from her, to stop hurting her - but I pay that no heed and swiftly stoop down to kiss her on the lips. But before I reach my intended target she turns, with a small cough and her eyes slowly open.

I stare down at her in horror, realising what I almost did, and how she must see me now. Her eyelids flutter open, and it takes her a few moments to see my face in the darkness.

"Zero?" her voice is questioning and low, husky from the cold.

"I - I... I was just..." I stammer, trying to explain away my presence.

She sighs again, eyes closing, one hand reaching out for mine. I hold onto her hand, and watch as her breathing slows down again.

Then I hear her whisper, barely a murmur, "Don't go, Zero. Stay, please."

And so I do as she asks, unable to do anything else.

_viii. You are calm and imposed, let your beauty unfold _

_How I like the skin stretched over your bones _

_Spring keeps you ever close, you are second hand smoke _

_You are the smell before rain; you are the blood in my veins_

_Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not._


End file.
